Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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