I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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