omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
