Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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