Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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