im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
