I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
