i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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