She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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