"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
