It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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