So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
