I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
