Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
