addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
