woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
