Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
