if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you will always have a special place in my vag
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
