he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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