my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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