Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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