Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
