Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
