His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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