Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
