Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
