First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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