i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
