So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
