I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
