Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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