she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
