Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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