Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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