someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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