A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
nutella sex= disaster
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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