Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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