I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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