i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
