You work out of a Hotel?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
don't judge my taste in strippers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
