Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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