i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
