Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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