just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
