So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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