She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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