Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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