the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
