Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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