we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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