So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
