She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize