do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
