Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
