1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
