I think im going to throw up on grandma
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
