batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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