dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
