Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
3pm strippers are depressing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
