I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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