maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
please come you make the beer taste better
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize