pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am puke
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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