So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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