Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
is it fun? or sober?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
