I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
