census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
