Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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