you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
