She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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