Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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