I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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