please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
