I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
