Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
