Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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