Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
