best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
