I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
