dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize