what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
