Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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