why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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