I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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