You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
