Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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