Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
