cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
