Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
