with your own penis?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
