I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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