i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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