On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
