he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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