if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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