I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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