i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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