You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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