I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
