we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
