I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
