I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
