Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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