I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
