They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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